BBC Bashing

BBC bashing is a favoured activity by certain sectors of the media in recent days: the Murdoch press enjoying a chance to switch the focus away from the criminal phone-hacking to a cover-up. The Daily Mail, of course, never loses an opportunity to work itself into a frothy, semi-rabid rage about the moral decline of Britain caused by the metrosexual liberals at the Beeb, whilst constantly refreshing the sideboard of their website with pictures of scantily clad women or girls who have only just passed the age of consent. It all started with the ITV Saville documentary, or did it start with Andrew Gilligan accusing Tony Blair of lying to the House of Commons on live radio or should we go back in time to the first BBC executive who gave Jimmy Saville a job?

Now I should express a vested interest here, I'm not an impartial when it comes to the BBC: they hired me as a junior producer, they did not fire me as a junior producer when I was said lots of things I shouldn't an internet message board. It all happened one Friday afternoon and I remain very sorry, not necessarily as sorry as George Monbiot, Sally Bercow and the former editor of Newsnight are at the moment, but still very sorry. My gratitude to the organisation goes further than simply not sacking me; from that initial trainee producer job I went onto to produce many radio comedy shows, children's TV comedy and when they weren't supervising me too closely I even got to produce a little of bit of proper telly (a BBC 3 sitcom pilot - so sort of proper). So my experience of my nine years there was generally very positive, it offered me unique opportunities that no other broadcasting organisation or company could have done. Outside the BBC, it remains fiendishly difficult to gain experience in TV or radio as you stay trapped in the permanent Catch 22 loop that you can't produce or direct a show until you have the experience of producing or directing shows.

But... and there's always a but, in my narrow window into this vast organisation , the dysfunctional management that we have witnessed in recent days seems fairly typical. George Orwell described the BBC as a cross between a lunatic asylum and a girls's boarding school, oddly enough that sixty year old metaphor holds true today. The strangest thing is that you could take an excellent producer, promote them to head of department and they would then spend most of them time dealing with mind-numbing bureaucracy that had nothing to do with the making of programmes. In hindsight, the best boss I worked for was one who came from the independent sector, took one look at the list of silly meetings he was expected to attend and never bothered. Under his regime of benign neglect, the department had a golden era of award winning shows and fantastic creativity, none of this seemed to matter to the more senior managers who made sure that his successor did attend these meetings and do the paperwork. I watched this other boss slowly lose the will to live until he escaped the role at the earliest opportunity.

Great shows are made by the BBC and there are many talented people working there; too often that excellent programme making occurs in spite of the system rather than because of itt. In my area of expertise such as comedy, it's fascinating to see how many commissioners and channel controllers claim credit for hit shows they either rejected first time or said during their run that the programmes were not working. A couple of personal highlights of Beeb management  are being told we had to make radio more accessible for the deaf or attending a seminar on the future of broadcasting where some consultant put a slide on the wall that was one of the most complex things I have ever seen, including an article on particle physics in The New Scientist. To this day, I have no idea what that consultant was taking about, I remember there being mentions of gatekeepers and platforms and wondering if we were taking about role playing games. My guess is she had no idea what she was taking about either. Let's keep it those two examples, suitably vague and distant, as I may still want to produce a show, if the chance comes my way.

As someone who greatly values the BBC not as institution but as a source of creative output, here's three simple suggestions to get out of their current funk  that do not involve endless navel gazing and self-criticism:

1. Sack 25% of the staff using a simple test.

Go round every BBC building, grab each employee in turn, put them in headlock (whilst observing correct health and safety protocols). Ask them what their job is. Anyone who cannot give you a simple answer e.g. producer, engineer, researcher, head of department etc. is fired on the spot. At stroke you remove about 1 in 4 non-jobs that add no value. So goodbye to Client Solutions Executive, Head of Audiences and Change Management Lead. Spend every £1 saved on new programmes immediately.

(the above suggestion is thanks to Jeff Randall).

2. Adopt William Goldman's quotation as the sole BBC value.

'Nobody knows anything' said the brilliant Goldman of the film business. The same holds true for broadcasting. In the past decade hits have come the most unexpected of places, whether its Strictly Come Dancing, Miranda, The Thick of It and Springwatch. The glorious wonder of the creative industry is that is the precise opposite of normal business, you really cannot predict where the next genius show will come from. All you can do as an organisation is stay open to ideas, remain ready to go against the flow and remind yourself that nobody knows anything. A bit like the slave whispering in the Roman general's ear as he parades through Rome, reminding him that all this world is ashes and dust, keep that motto in mind and you maximise your chances of success. (Okay maybe not the ashes and dust bit).

3. Copy HBO

They make some of the finest television ever seen, copy their approach. Empower your creative heads and let them take risks. The Americans do it better, do what they do. Simples.

It would be a terrible tragedy if the vile sociopath Saville managed to cause mayhem beyond the grave. Whatever mistakes were made in the 70s or were made in recent months, don't let the bastard screw it up for everyone else. No matter how bad the BBC faults might be, the alternatives are worse, just watch Italian TV if you don't believe me.

Oh and one final thought... if you find that your selection of senior managers means that Tim Davie, a Pepsi marketing executive who has never made a programme, ends up temporary Director-General then  maybe, just maybe, you're promoting the wrong people.

Street Photography

Yesterday a friend of mine took  a picture of a derelict house in Finsbury Square in the City, when a security guard tried to prevent him from doing so. This guard was employed by UBS, that Swiss bank fined $740 million for a tax fraud in the States. They are set to shed 10,000 jobs by 2015, as it turns out their ability to make real profits when not involved in a massive criminal conspiracy that would make Tony Soprano blush was illusory. Presumably the guard was trying to preserve his job by showing his zeal in stopping rogue photography. Unfortunately, he has committed the cardinal sin of being born not-white and not from public school so his efforts are mostly likely in vain.

The high-vis jobsworth's behaviour does highlight a worrying trend in modern Britain, where someone taking a picture in a public place which they have an absolute legal right to do may be prevented by any  number of martinets in day-glo yellow ranging from security guards, community support officers (or plastic filth as da yoof round my way terms them) and genuine not plastic, bona fide police officers.

In any debate about civil liberties, the temptation is to refer to slippery slopes and Nazi Germany, conjuring up images of Gestapo officers whizzing down waterslides (at least that's what it does in my head). I've already given in you see, by referencing Nazis in the previous sentence; sadly I have all the self-control of a dog caught short on a bowling green so it was bound to happen.

Interfering with street photography is  a rare occasion when the slippery slope cliche applies.  We are all entitled to take photos in a public place and letting self-appointed control freaks who do not know the law intimidate us means we lose a small but important freedom. Blame the 'war on terror' or rather blame the mindset that comes with such a stupid and self-defeating concept. Before the Trade Centre attacks and the July bombings on the tube, no one bothered about who was taking a photo of what. Why? Because trying to prevent a terrorist attack by stopping people taking pictures of landmarks or buildings is about as sensible as building a dam made of Disprin.

One way of preventing terror attacks is specific intelligence of radical groups. Another way of preventing atrocities is this: when a man arrives at the UK borders with hooks for hands, who preaches the destruction of Western civilisation, do not let him in the country. Simple really. Sadly common sense and government were last seen together under a bridge, where government was witnessed brutally shoeing common sense in a sickening re-creation of the underpass scene in A Clockwork Orange.

We are not powerless though and the only cure for this attempt to remove of our freedom by stealth is to take as many photos as possible of everything. Don't take pictures of serving police officers because thanks to Section 76 of the Counter Terrorism Act, that actually is an offence and I suppose if I encourage you, I could be guilty of some kind of terrorist conspiracy. Everything else is fine, especially if it's got a security guard in the frame and even better if its a bank recently found guilty of criminal activities (which is all of them isn't it?).

Let's hear those digital cameras make the simulated sound of a shutter releasing.